Is this the finale? I have to admit I had no idea the season was more than 16 episodes (how many I am finding it strangely hard to ascertain) when I started. Where did I get the idea that there are 12 episodes in a season? A case of beer?
Back at the Aries Party, Tamra continues to moan about Brooks’ all-too-reasonable allegation that she’s an unreliable source. Heather, the classiest of the group, takes Vicki aside to tell her what everyone’s been saying behind her back. “Every piece of information that floats out is hinky,” she says, regarding the ongoing Brooks’ cancer situation (which looks increasingly fishy to my eye as well). Who’s lying? Heather asks in a carefully crafted sound byte.
Then Heather takes a strong left turn: “Show his labs! Show the medical records! Show the birth certificate!” (OK she didn’t say that last one). But does she really think this is a reasonable request?
Who cares! Vicki, show the records! Heather’s right. We need to see some documentation.
The producers make poor Shannon stand up and cut the cake at her Aries party even though like why is there a cake-cutting? Everyone knows it’s tacky to have a cake-cutting at an Aries Party. Anyway, Vicki was supposed to be up there making an ass of herself too, two Aries cutting their big red confection, but she’s already taken off. Someone points out that this is Vicki’s M.O. “When she doesn’t like what’s going on, she leaves.” Which is like, totally reasonable unless you’re on a reality show in which case it’s a breach of contract.
This leaves the rest of the ladies free to rehash all the reasons they doubt Brooks’s cancer diagnosis. The most salient development here is the consensus that Vicki probably knows about the lie. If there is a lie. Whatever. It’s time to SHOW THE DOCUMENTS.
Meghan takes a relatively functional version of her stepdaughter, Hayley, shopping for a prom dress. Ah, Meghan. She rattles off the story of how she orchestrated the booze wagon fuckfest after her own prom. Hey, no judgments, but technically she is in a “parental” role here, which she only remembers after she explains how she arranged “cabins” for everyone after the afterparty. Anyway, Meghan’s reevaluating her relationship with Hayley because all those rules and homework was negatively impacting the vibe between them.
Tamra goes, loose braid over her shoulder, to mea culpa herself all over Vicki’s cozy couch. Vicki admits that it was her mistake to reveal Meghan’s confidence to begin with. What the fuck is going on here? Is someone slapping these women around with the maturity stick? It must be the grandmother thing. When it comes to the Great Brooks Cancer Debate, Vicki doesn’t budge. Her argument against releasing the
medical records is that there will never be a way to shut down the haters. If I were to write a novel based on this series, in which Vicki conspires with Brooks to fake his cancer diagnosis in order to give her a storyline in Brianna’s absence, this is exactly how I would script Vicki to act upon being discovered. “Do whatever you can to stop this,” she begs Tamra.
Shannon makes muffins and chili as a backdrop for complaining to David about Vicki’s quick departure and Brooks’s shoddy cancer story. “I feel like I don’t know Vicki right now,” she says.
Tamra on Brooks’ cancer situation: I’m ignoring it to be Vicki’s friend.
Heather almost allows datenight with Terry to devolve into conflict over an etching in their new mansion. The issue is that Heather has just been working so damn hard on this huge new house where there seem to be no financial or temporal constraints. I cannot be the only one who takes issue with Heather describing this activity again and again as “hard work.”
Tamra shows Ryan and his family the nice house she is helping him pay for and all he has to say is “The [staining on the hardwood] floor still bothers me.” Ryan is super itzy.
Ryan on his life: F*ck my life.
Tamra remarks that her son whom she has coddled his entire life has “big boy problems now…. four kids to take care of.” Tamra tried to warn him, which is a weird thing to say on camera about the mother of your brand new granddaughter. Surely that will not win you any fans. Then again, Tamra really did lose her mind when Ryan announced he was moving in with Sarah. In any case, Tamra seems almost too happy to conclude of Ryan’s situation: This is the life you chose. Says the woman who has been married three times.
Heather has a business lunch with Lisa Rinna. Nothing to see here.
Shannon has a lunch with Vicki wherein she tries to express, in her passive way, that she didn’t like Vicki leaving their Aries Party without saying good-bye, a fair point. Vicki’s response: “I didn’t want to eat cake. I was just over it.” Rude. Vicki clearly doesn’t want to talk about Brooks and yet has to entertain once more the request for papers.
“Just produce one piece of paper!” Shannon says. Vicki is this close to a nervous breakdown people, and after a decade of this, who can blame her.