RHOC Recap and Unsolicited Advice

RHOC Recap and Unsolicited Advice

I Have Your Number

I love it to be about me for just now.

It’s nice that Vicki is offering her back yard for Tamra’s troubled son, Ryan to marry Sarah (mother of three), but I have a question: Who is Saddleback?

 

So Brooks’s cancer intrigues me because one has to wonder what extent this story has been fully manipulated.  Meaning, is it possible that Brooks is faking cancer, but was somehow talked into doing so by a producer?  This is the only reasoning that makes any sense.  Why else would Brooks fake cancer on television? Think about it!

 

Meghan drags Heather to a break-of-dawn NASCAR ride around the track where they trot a subdued Danica Patrick out into the parking lot to shake everyone’s hand and look them in the eye, fulfilling her contractual obligation but not much more.  Meghan brags “These are just a few of the perks of being married to Jim Edmonds.”  Of course, the downside is that you’re married to an extraordinary douchebag who is going to divorce you.   Eventually, several of the other HW’s show up and guess who is the most into NASCAR?  You guessed it!  (Tamra)

 

I love that Tamra is happy to tell people she owns 51% of Cut Fitness. Given that this is the case, I don’t fully understand why she’s supposed to tell Eddie that she’s helping Ryan—her troubled son who just had his first child—financially.  She says that she’ll tell Eddie what he needs to know, putting a timestamp on when he needs to know (i.e. right now).  Anyway, I don’t get it.  Tamra’s spending Tamra’s money on Tamra’s (troubled) son.  What’s the problem?

 

So here’s an example of Brooks sounding weird/evasive/unreliable. Vicki brings up Brooks’s cancer and he says, “I can’t imagine not being involved in my life.  And your life.”  Does “not being involved in my life” = death?  Or is there some other eventuality he’s referring to?

 

Out of nowhere Vicki brings up the idea that Meghan is cheating on Jimmy the douche and I certainly hope that’s the case!  Just be discreet and get that attorney, Meghan. 

 

Shannon wears her emotions on her tense forehead, and her 51st birthday just isn’t living up to expectations.  Worse, her daughter keeps pointing out how unhappy she is.  My heart goes out to her, that is like a knife in the chest.  But, here’s the thing, usually I think Shannon is bringing up something not time sensitive.  You know, the affair.  She has the memories that lead to the feelings that lead to the arguments.  But in this case, it’s Shannon’s birthday and it appears David took the family for dinner at a sports bar.  It’s weird and I can get why she’s unhappy about it.  David cheated on her (publically) and knew that he would also be celebrating her birthday (publically).  I don’t get it.  Why’d you fuck up so bad, David?

 

I’m generally hostile towards Heather’s ridiculous new home and when she takes the ladies (plus a few actual IRL friends, I presume) on a required, rigorous, room-by-room tour of the Château Dubrow, my worst prejudgments are solidified into rock-solid complete judgement.  I have been on tours of actual chateau in France where the guides were less stringent than Madam Dubrow.  Heather commands everyone’s constant attention: here’s the luggage room (the garage is too far), here’s Terry’s toilet, here’s my toilet, here’s the kid’s formal powder room, here’s the towel warming drawer, here’s the closet that is the size of a basketball court and will have its own library ladder, here’s the mud room with lockers…  it’s fatiguing.  We’ve hit peak housewife real estate here.  I’ve never seen anything this indulgent. 

 

Over lunch, all the ladies get all arched and heated about Tamra not telling Eddie about helping Ryan financially.  Vicki says, “But you’re married now.  Joint decisions.”  It’s as if they don’t know Tamra owns 51% of Cut Fitness.  The consensus is that it will cause problems when Eddie finds out, and I guess at this point, having seen it discussed like this, I have to agree: conflict is inevitable (and anyway, I’ve been predicting a Tamra/Eddie meltdown all season).

 

Meghan, leading with her chin, brings up how the psychic said Brooks doesn’t have cancer.  Vicki blows a gasket, openly threatening Meghan right out of the gate.  Tamra thinks Vicki wouldn’t freak out like this if she knew Brooks was lying.  And I agree, but I think maybe she is in the dark.

 

And from that darkness, Vicki opens a door into a room she really should have avoided.  “You’re a little girl” she says to Meghan, which is the only reason we can’t fault Meghan for saying, “You’re just an old woman….”  Which means that my early judgment of Meghan was based on a quote taken out of context.  Thank God this isn’t on the front page of the New York Times.  The retractions could get complicated.

 

 

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