RHOC Recap and Unsolicited Advice

RHOC Recap and Unsolicited Advice

I Have Your Number

Blasting Antioxidants

So here we are in at Shannon’s Tuscan villa by the sea…  where we are supposed to believe Shannon does her own laundry in a spotless room that has literally nothing in it but two identical eco-branded laundry detergents.  That is not what my laundry room (where I most certainly do all my laundry) looks like.  Anyway, the whole down-to-earth stay-at-home mom act is all to defend Shannon against what you might conclude about her parenting after this next scene with her previously charming daughters, Stella and Adeline, who I think are ten.  The girls toilet papered a house and I wouldn’t characterize their attitude as “contrite” or even “regretful.”


I’m happy to see that Meghan got the lunch date of her dreams!  These two have been married four months, apart for at least three weeks and now they get to have lunch together. Makes sense Meghan styled herself up like a high-end Vegas escort.  On the positive side, they talk about Hayley, Jimmy the douche’s 17-year-old daughter he lovingly describes as “a delinquent at times.”   Jim you are a moron and an asshole.  Even Meghan has to admit that his parenting is very “lax” which I guess makes her the “hands on” one, but this is very bad news for Hayley.


“Do what you want.  Keep an eye on her as best you can,” says Jimmy the douche.  Meghan, you have time on your hands.  Find a good attorney and start laying the groundwork for a favorable divorce settlement. A baby is probably a good idea.


As Vicki hangs an engraved silver wind chime at the site of her mother’s future memorial in her back yard, Brooks introduces the notion of ceasing chemotherapy to switch over to quacky mumbo jumbo “formulations.”  The chief recommending factor in his new doctor is that he had the same sort of cancer Brook has/had (more on that later), but has anyone explained to Brooks that that’s not what it means to be a “specialist.”  I guess he has decided to drop this information on his birthday so no one can tell him to his face how bad it sounds.


Heather and Meghan get invited to meet Tamra’s psychic, Scott.  Thankfully for Meghan’s future alimony payments, Scott sees that kid for you.  That’ll spare you the inconvenience of having to work for a living. But then Scott drops the big Brooks bomb: “I have a wishy washy perspective on that.  The cancer issue.”  Tamra immediately wants to keep this a secret, knowing instinctively that it’ll play badly for anyone who tries to make this into some sort of real evidence even though secretly now all the women believe he’s making it up except for Vicki and Shannon.


Speaking of Shannon, I was skeptical of her claim to have never exercised in her life, but having seen her in Tamra’s “booty class” I am now a believer.  Shannon, proponent of various fruitcake health practices, can’t run with the other girls to warm up because she pees every time she runs.  Shannon, seriously, put the nebulizer down and seek help for your incontinence: kegels, physical therapy, surgery, whatever.  Do you think this problem is going to get better with time?


My opinion about sparkling sake is: no.


At a totally bizarre birthday celebration at Cut Fitness which includes the ladies, Brooks, Eddie, and one birthday cake we see no one eating, Brooks goes public with his unorthodox cancer approach: “ninety days of blasting antioxidants.”  This dovetails perfectly with Scott the psychic’s allegations.  Brooks has always been a bit of a wild card, and now more than ever (given Vicki and Brooks announced their split again just yesterday) one has to wonder about everything he says.


What we don’t wonder about is whether or not Brooks should tuck in his oversized white shirt (meant to accentuate chemo-related weight loss that never happened???)  Brooks, tuck your shirt in.


Even though it’s his birthday, for some reason it’s a huge deal that Brooks keeps ordering cocktails.  The music and the camera work emphasize the critical importance of every alcoholic beverage.  Shannon srruggles to keep her high anxiety in check after Meghan parroted Scott the psychic’s doubts about Brooks’ cancer.  It’s like you can see the words just sitting there, in her mouth as she tries to eat her filet and can’t.  Finally, Shannon drags Vicki to the bathroom in order to tell her she can’t tell her the thing she knows will ruin Brooks’s birthday.   Yikes, Shannon, get it together girl.


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